I’m writing this very brief update during my short stay in Ipoh. Always wanted to write something self-motivating, I guess this getaway from the hectic life of KL will do me good.

Earlier this year I set a goal for myself, to be fitter. Goals, if they are not translated into actions will remain failures. To support that translation of goals to actions, I am going to set my foot firm on my fitness commitment.

The goal this year is to reduce my weight to 66kg which will be just perfect for me – no double chin and less visible tummy (if not 6 packs). Last year I managed to shed 6kg to 71kg so this year I shall attempt to transform myself to be slimmer just like in my university days.

I’ve signed up for two runs this year; namely Energizer Night Race on April 21 and Standard Chartererd KL Marathon on June 24. The former will be 10km run while the latter is a half marathon.

That’s a challenge to attempt having in mind that the longest distance I managed to run was 8km during one of my practice. I shall feed my ego with certificate of completion from these two runs. Yeah!

That’s all for tonight, I will follow up with my training log soon. Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, the start of Lent. Shall make the best of this 40 days of fast and abstinence to get more spiritual and closer to God.

As I write this, I have a friend who recently just went through a hard time in her relationship. Say must I, things were going just too fast. Hoping to share with you the eight simple rules that never goes out of date.

RULE #1: DON’T DATE IF YOU’RE NOT READY

Modern research confirms that our brains don’t fully develop until age 25. Hold off till you’re emotionally mature and financially able to enter into a committed relationship and discern marriage.

RULE #2: DON’T DATE FOR EXPERIENCE

It’s healthy to develop friendships with person of the opposite sex. Exclusive dating however, has the purpose of discerning marriage. When this purpose isn’t clear, dating becomes a game where feelings get hurt and purity compromised. Experience in the game won’t make you a better marriage partner. Instead, the emotional roller-coaster of intimacy and break-ups may build up instability or cynicism in your heart.

RULE #3: PREPARE YOURSELF

Do not become preoccupied looking for a life partner. Singleness is not a curse! Guard against temptation through prayer, Scripture reading and the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Seek healing for emotional scars that may affect future relationships. Learn to love generously and unselfishly as your family and church responsibilities expand. Embrace singleness as a chance to serve the Lord.

RULE #4: BUILD FRIENDSHIP FIRST

Don’t rush. Don’t date someone on the rebound. Take a good look at why he or she broke up from a previous relationship. If the person is a two-timer or jumped from one relationship to another because, “I didn’t feel anything anymore”, you’re asking for trouble. Many want to play the romanticized role of the hero who rehabilitates the guy or girl but they end up getting hurt in the end.

Friendships take time and are built on common values and interests. If your relationship with the Lord is important, look for someone who shares that priority. At this stage of the relationship, expression of feelings should remain on the level of kindness and consideration as you come together as friends 2 or 3 times a week.

RULE #5: SEEK ADVICE

Find a God-fearing person of the same sex that you look up to, and go to him or her for guidance about the relationship. Family input and others’ perception of the relationship are important to overcome your own possibly biased perceptions

It’s a naive product of our individualistic society to think that the family won’t be involved in the relationship. Invite the other person to visit your family and vice versa. If you have to keep your relationship hidden, perhaps you already know he or she is bad news. Honour your parents by introducing the person you are dating to them. Observe how the other person treats his or her own family, as it’s likely to be how he or she will treat you when the romance tapers off.

RULE #6: AVOID OVER-DATING

In an exclusive dating relationship, 3 to 4 meetings in the week and phone calls every other day is fine. Dropping half your life so you can be with a person every night of the week is a sign of co-dependency. Balance your life or the relationship will get smothering and stale.

RULE #7: DRAW PHYSICAL PARAMETERS

Ladies, respect yourself and set high standards. Pre-marital sex, heavy petting and kissing that lead to sexual arousal are out. Communicate your expectations. Don’t submit to something you’re not comfortable with. If he pressures you, he doesn’t respect you; he’s not interested in you but in your body. If you depend on physical pleasure to feel close to him and have not learnt how to express love in other ways, the relationship will soon fizzle out. It’s an old saying that men trade love for sex and women trade sex for love. Once the guys have scored, be ready to become yesterday’s chewing gum.

Cohabitation, even without sex, puts yourself into temptation. If you started off as platonic housemates, move out. Never spend the night together. Don’t leave lots of your belongings at the other person’s place which suggest you’re already permanently part of his or her life. Giving each other expensive presents can also be manipulative and make it difficult for the other to really discern if you’re the right person to marry.

RULE #8: AIM FOR A 2-YEAR COURTSHIP

Couples who have dated for more than 2 years score consistently higher on marital satisfaction. It lacks prudence for a woman to accept a marriage proposal from a man whom she’s known for less than a year. If you’re getting married for a lifetime, a few more months of waiting and discovering more about the person will only help your discernment. Look beyond the roses and the romance to real virtues.

Ask yourself some other questions: Has the relationship led each of you closer to Christ? Can I see myself marrying this person? Would I like my children to grow up to be just like this person? Do I feel safe, honoured and respected around this person? Does this person bring out the best in me?

American sociologists find that divorce rates are lowest for those who marry for the first time at age 28 or later. Smart people don’t assume that they are a special case to the general rule. Don’t rush marriage because of the biological clock or because the baby’s on the way.

Preaching in Season & Out of Season
#2 Dating, Relationship and Purity
LIFELINE

Amazingly for twenty seven years, I am still receiving ang pao. The perception of ang pao has changed over the years. From money to blessings, from a paper envelope to thoughts that count. Now that I am wiser, I come to term that it is of no obligation for one to give another person ang pao although it is of customary to do so. What prompts one to hand out ang pao to the younger generations is all about hoping that they will excel in their studies and carrier every year. It is the thoughts that count.

I can’t say thank you enough to those who still give me ang pao, especially to my parents and close relatives. Even some distant relatives still hand me ang pao when I pay them a visit.

This year I received more than 20 blessings!

Gong xi fa cai everyone!